To be loved…

To be loved...

“We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter.

Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don’t even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets!

It’s time to put an end to this. It’s time for us to let ourselves be loved.”
― C. JoyBell C.

War of the Roses

 

The War of the Roses was a civil war in England. Where the thirty years of warfare were even more destructive to England than the Hundred Years war had been in the previous century.

With the Petty disputes that occur between partners throughout a Divorce these days it seems necessary to title this article with such a name.

Research by Manchester law firm (Pannone) revealed to find that one in five divorces feature rows over similarly inexpensive possessions. When a couple divorce, there are bound to be complications or disagreements regarding the house and car, children, and so on, that is expected, but arguments over kitchen supplies and even food seems highly unnecessary and just plain ridiculous.

According to James Tozer (Mail Online) a client of a divorce lawyer asked for help to win custody of delicacies her ex-husband had taken from the kitchen of the marital home. A Particular Frying pan was a common bone of contention. There was even specific instruction by a client to her lawyer to write to her former spouse to return some smoked salmon and expensive mustard he had taken out of the freezer, The Lawyer explained that the legal fees in pursuing this would buy her a lot of smoked salmon, but she was adamant they pressed ahead anyway.

Reading this is just shocking to see what outrageous demands people make. If a small possession had a personal value to you there is understanding in that but in most of these cases it seems some couples fight simply for the sake of fighting, if in the process of Divorce you are unable to agree upon the division of small and personal assets, the court will then make the decision. An appointed person is called in to value the assets. The fee for hiring this person is usually quite substantial and in some cases is actually greater than the value of the items being valued.

So The War that goes on between a lot of couples these days stirs the question of where the argument stems from. Is it because of the desperate need for specific items? Where the amount spent on legal costs arguing about these items can be many times more than the value of the possession itself. Or is it rather to prove a point to their ex-spouses? Seems to me the only person who is going to win in this situation is the lawyer with a large amount of money…

Either which way, the movie, The War of the Roses really drives home what can happen when you focus on destroying another person in the quest to prove a point or be right. My tip for anyone going through this life change is decide from the outset WHO YOU WANT TO BE during the process and stick to that. Don’t get entangled in any sling matches or stoop to levels beneath you. Becoming THAT PERSON WHICH SEEKS REVENGE is something which you will forever regret… If you don’t believe me, check out the trailer for a little summary of the film…

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

Some Principles of Keeping Love Alive…

I am sometimes really frustrated that the education system today does not prepare us for what it TRULY takes to make a romantic relationship work in the long-term. I wish that I had known some of these principles before I got married. Unfortunately I had to make all the mistakes before I learnt all of these lessons for the future. I had to develop some compassion for myself because I really didn’t have the insights I have today back when I actually needed them. I am therefore committed to keep mastering the principles of keeping love alive, not only to ensure that my clients benefit from all this wisdom but that I ensure my own future happiness in my relationship.

In your next relationship, keep some principles in mind to assist you in keeping love alive. These are tips I have put together after reading 27 books on the topic, interviewing experts and from my own personal experience in working with couples.

Keeping love alive principle #1: Let him win at loving you

This is a lesson I learnt the hard way. I had to own up to the fact that I never let my ex-husband win at loving me. I spent most of the time playing hard to get, difficult, dramatic or testing him. Your man needs to feel that by simply being around you, he can make you happy and that you’re at peace and fully satisfied in his company. This is why an overly-critical woman can make her man feel he’s failed at loving her. He’ll withdraw his affection and love in return. He may even say things like, “I can’t win”. Ask yourself, “Have I let him feel he can always win at loving me?” This is a crucial lesson for keeping love alive. When you come home and you’re feeling grumpy, ensure your man knows he is amazing and that he makes you very happy and that your moods have nothing to do with him.

Keeping love alive principle #2: Maintain the polarity of your relationship

The feminine essence is: Loving, caring, spontaneous, crazy, unpredictable, free, fun, mental, dramatic, turbulent, shrieking at the sight of a mouse/spider/creature with more legs than yourself, outspoken, honest, vulnerable, raw, carefree, real, weepy, emotional, a hurricane, self-expressed, creative, chatty, babbling and making no sense, cooking, loud, noisy, peaceful, sexy, goddess-like, mysterious, a dancing nymph,
wanting to be comforted, nurtured, supported and loved. The feminine essence is not: controlling, overly organized, bossy, nagging, changing light bulbs (even if she is perfectly capable of doing so), killing snakes, doing manly chores that require power tools, silent, talking about her emotions instead of
feeling them, too intellectual, so damn independent that a man will sense she doesn’t need him (sadly, he will be right). Focus on remembering these points whenever you feel your man slipping away from you. Step back into your feminine essence and he will come straight back to you.

Keeping love alive principle #3: Maintain separateness and move to your own rhythm

It was Sherry Argov who distinguished that ‘men equate longing with love.’ If you do everything together, there will be no opportunity for your man to experience any longing for you. So, don’t jump through hoops for him. Don’t suffocate him by always wanting to be where he is or checking up on him. If he texts you, don’t respond immediately if you are busy with something else. Wait a little while until you have completed what you were doing before texting him back. If you get home and see there is a message from him, wait until you’ve settled in, made a cup of tea, had a bath or dinner, or anything else you want to do before checking the message.

NOTE: To keep sexual chemistry alive in your relationship, remain feminine in your relationship and true to your feminine essence. Allow your
man to be the man in your life.

Keep your own interests and activities alive. Every few nights, ensure you have a gym class, dinner, a movie or a book club with a girlfriend or something that ensures he doesn’t always have your movements pinned down. You’ll see when you get home afterwards that he’s missed you…

Keeping love alive principle #4: When he disappears on you, focus on making yourself happy

Men disappear from time to time and as author John Gray stated in ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.’ They do go into their caves from time to time. It’s a basic need and one that too many women don’t understand. When he disappears, he’s usually still physically present, but emotionally distant and distracted. At these times, dig deep, practice the Worry Buster exercise on Day 17 of the naked divorce programme and reassure yourself that this is a test. He is testing your reactions. Our natural instinct is to want to know why. We’ll want to know if there’s something wrong. No! No! No! This will drive him further into the cave. You have to focus on making yourself happy. Organize a dinner with your girlfriends. Play tennis. Go to the gym. Have a luxurious bath and pamper session. Whistle while you’re cooking dinner. Leave him be. Don’t question or enquire. Smile at him and give his hand a squeeze,
then walk away and go and be happy. This will surprise him because men are used to women acting very clingy whenever they retreat into their caves. He will be concerned that your life does not revolve around him and that you seem happy without him doing anything. The hunter within him will return from his cave very fast to reclaim his woman, you’ll see!

There are many more of these principles in the naked divorce book. Purchase it today to learn more!

Hope you enjoyed that, till next time!

Big hugs