Are you single or living alone? You are not alone on that one!

 

Claudia Connell on Mail Online gives a painfully honest account of how she came to be living alone in middle-age: Now in her 40′s, Claudia talks of how her single life, which was once embraced and celebrated for its exciting perks, has lost its gloss.

Claudia states: “I was part of the Sex And the City generation — successful, feisty women who made their own money, answered to no one and lived life to the full. When it came to men, my attitude to them was the same as it was towards the latest must-have handbag: only the best would do, no compromises should be made, and even then it would be quickly tired of and cast aside. However at the age of 46, I’ve unwillingly accepted that my opportunity to have a family has gone and the chances of meeting a decent man aren’t looking too rosy either.  What none of us spent too long thinking about in our 20′s and 30s was how our lifestyles would impact on us once we reached middle-age, when we didn’t want to go out and get sozzled on cocktails and had replaced our stilettos and skinny jeans with flat shoes and elasticated waists.

Freedom is great when you can exploit it; but when you have so much that you don’t know what to do with it, then it all becomes a little pointless.” Claudia wrote in Mail online.

Today in the UK, there are record numbers of middle-aged single people. There are many other woman and men just like Claudia that can relate to the emotions and realties of this lifestyle. Not so many will be as bold as to admit but Figures speak loud in this circumstance.

Statistics released by the Office of National Statistics showed that 7.6 million people are currently living alone in the UK. And the fastest growing group in this is a 2.5 million percentage that fall between the ages of 45 and 64 who live alone with no spouse, partner or children. The figure represents a mind blowing 50 per cent increase since the mid-Nineties. Perhaps materially well off in this generation but seemingly emotionally bereft.

It’s a somewhat upsetting report but a correct one none the less and while some woman and men are quite comfortable with their circumstance of living alone, the truth is most will admit that they had wished they had someone to share it with, a partner, child or other family.

This article is in no way intended to be a spiral of depression and reminder of your singleness – if you are. However sometimes a reminder of these situations can be a healthy way into knowing what you want and chasing after that, not missing the importance of opportunities when they come to your door. Whether that is a new relationship – Or a chance of amending one with a family member or the opportunity to take action in your situation of feeling broken and to fight for healing from your past. So you can become a full representation of yourself again, not regretting your life away and wishing you had realised things sooner.

The wonderful thing that we should never take for granted is that we do live in world and country of endless opportunities, and if we know what we want and take action in getting it, we can fight for our aspirations and dreams to live the way in which we desire. Unfortunately life does throw its whirlwinds and it can knock us clean off our feet from a place in which we were quite comfortable, but if we stay there in that brokenness or state of unawareness or denial of what was really going on, we will end up looking back wishing and regretting, and on search for who can invent us that time machine!

Life is always going to be a whirlwind you just have to learn how to pick yourself up once you’ve been knocked down. Like everyone, we all think and worry about the future and wonder where we will be in 10-20 years of our life. Some of us seriously wonder how we can possible get to a place we see desirable by then.

But the truth is there are ways and people to help you get there, opportunities that do come around, they might come in disguise but they come, so look for them and take a hold of them!

If you feel yourself feeling morose or depressed at the prospect of being single or you are clear you have not healed from your divorce or bad break up – stop suffering in silence and talk to us. We have a whole team of angels who are ready to chat to you. Email us on ANGEL SUPPORT or call us on:

  • UK: +44 (0)208 638 0841
  • USA: +1 646 736 7448
  • RSA: +27 (0)11 083 8901
  • AUS: +61 (0)2 8006 10558

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

Advertisements

Rise of the DIY divorce…

 

Couples who are somewhat impoverished are causing court chaos by representing themselves in the midst of cutbacks.According to the Daily mail; the recession and upcoming cuts to legal aid are putting immense pressure on family courts as these couples increasingly represent themselves.

I will therefore write a little post of pure commentary on this issue as there are repercussions to the recession for sure!

Whilst reading this and the talk of immense pressure on the courts, it raised a flag of discomfort and pressure of the couples who are the ones forced to represent themselves without help. There is a new arbitration scheme where there is a process that allows couples a more informal legal setting allowing them to settle out of court by employing expensive specially trained lawyers. A system that will prevent a level of hazard, sure, but one that is very much in favor for the wealthy, and as it is not a common occurrence where money is an easy factor for all couples especially in the area of divorce, the pressure on the courts seems one that has been self influenced in my opinion.

Certain views of representing one’s self suggest that it’s less time-consuming if you represent yourself. The lawyer is the middle-man who gets paid in abundance to forward the legal documents between the customer and the court, charges you all your calls per minute, sends you a vast amount of unnecessary correspondence in order to rip you off etc. Some say it is less stressful, more straightforward and faster.

However… Several judges told The Law Society Gazette that cases where litigants represented themselves it took twice as long because they often needed help navigating the legal process. One said: ‘We are getting more and more people coming to court in private law cases without the benefit of sensible, structured legal advice, wanting to spill blood on the court carpet,

More and more people are requesting to push for a no-fault divorce, explaining that with the fault-based divorce system in action currently with blame apportioned, ‘it is a confrontational process which benefits no one’ as the certain prospects believe. But whether you believe DIY divorce is the way to go or not, earlier this month Sir Nicholas Wall, the most senior family judge in England and Wales, warned of ‘a substantial increase’ in the number of people who will be forced to represent themselves in court due to cuts in legal aid. This is not to mention the rise of do it yourself services like www.quickie-divorce.com,www.quickiedivorce.co.uk and www.divorcefast.com.

The question begs: can people represent themselves confidently and not recklessly? In the midst of an intensive breakup whilst being in a state of shock – how does one try to cope with the legal system with little or no help!?

However simple some make it out to be, it does not sound inviting…

At Naked Divorce, we have some great contacts with lawyers and have vouchers for 1 hour consultations to consider all your options. Many lawyers today do fixed fee divorces and meditation is a low-cost effective option too. So before you run off trying to do it on your own – seek help today…

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

 

THE TANTRUM CLUB – how throwing a tantrum is just exactly what a woman needs

Adele Theron will be holding a free talk entitled ‘THE TANTRUM CLUB – how throwing a tantrum is just exactly what a woman needs’ on the Activia Expert Stage on Sunday 30th September at 12pm.

THE TANTRUM CLUB – how throwing a tantrum is just exactly what a woman needs

“I will transform the speaking area into an interactive environment (with bean bags/ bats etc) for people to totally go crazy and throw a tantrum

· Emotional Intelligence and why it’s killing us women in today’s society· Find out why throwing a tantrum is healthy and healing

· Expression of emotion is the key to vitality

· Put on some goggles, take hold of a baseball bat and allow yourself to let rip and throw a tantrum with a big group of ladies

· Toss out suppression and bring in expression”

For more information visit www.nakeddivorce.com

TICKETS:
You can can purchase your ticket for £6, saving 25% * Quote TANTRUM when booking atwww.VitalityLive.co.uk
*Saving based on door price. Booking and transaction fees apply.

Location:  Vitality Boutique, Bluewater, Greenhithe, Kent, DA9 9SG, United Kingdom

Instant Gratification BUT what IS best for me? PART II

 

As human beings we can tend to become fascinated by ourselves and our stories and can allow ourselves to become too self-indulgent and it can be destructive. As long as we recognise the vision of where we want and need to be and what it takes to get there, the time that you determine it to take is essentially up to you.

But first consider that Instant gratification may be more helpful and suited to you then you realise. Instant gratification does not mean instantly healed. Because we all know emotional pain takes hard work to overcome and it will takesome time. But it instead means instant heal–ING, where automatically healing starts to take place and instant rewards begin to reap, when you pull all your focus intensely to healing without anything else in your way.

Renowned UK psychotherapist Nea Clark (http://www.balancedbusinessladies.com/) says “there is no need to indulge your feelings over a long period of time. Time doesn’t heal them. Better to do a program like the Naked Divorce and focus intensively on healing within a defined period of time. It’s healthier for your mind but also for your body.”

Independent surveys conducted by the stress society of the United Kingdom have also shown that those who take a very proactive approach to healing lead happier lives.

We all want to lead happy lives, some will fight harder for it than others but whether you want instant gratification or long term strategy sounds more inviting to you, the same principles apply in needing to confront your emotions and take actions.

Different people have different tolerances and obviously different personalities. Some will have more patience for Therapy and “healing process’s” than others will.

Some people may have terrible patience in traffic, but waiting patiently for something that they know will be worthwhile comes naturally to them. Others on the other hand may be completely calm in traffic yet not want to take any time other than urgently necessary waiting for healing to happen. But in popular agreeance we all want to detract from the pain. We all have a story to tell and if admitted or not, we want to be heard and understood.

Complacency and sacrifice is a poisonous combination when applied to your well-being in the process of a Divorce. We aren’t here to simply survive, but to thrive. Surviving through life is no way to live, settling and accepting thorns in your flesh is no intelligent approach to your situation of any break up. You deserve more and you owe it to yourself to be stop being complacent and to fight for gratification. I’m not talking about revenge and fighting your ex but fighting for your dignity and integrity back. Becoming confident and finding strength again through taking action and overcoming what heartbreaks life has thrown your way.

Therapists, friends, colleagues and even family may tell you it will take a long time to heal. People are just people and when the phrase “TIME heals all wounds” is constantly drilled into our skulls it’s sometimes difficult to imagine other possibilities. When people have experienced a long term way of healing they will perhaps try to prepare you for what they experienced, but everyone is different and I believe that anyone if you put your mind to it and combined with the Right support and direction, you can heal in a more rapid time than you ever expected.

All in all, find what’s best for you and start your new steps forward. Try the naked divorce programme – which has been specially designed to help you along your way!

Till next time

Lots of hugs

“I’M NOT READY YET” The Price for Suffering

 

I’m not ready” A very common phrase we ALL use.

A case of: Not being prepared for what one is about to do or experience;

Not equipped or supplied with what is needed for some act or event,

Not prepared for immediate movement or action.

 

What can be debated is; whether being “Ready” is a fact of circumstance or whether it is a Mindset. I believe it is both. In a circumstance where we are aware of what is coming, it gives us a warning to prepare and choose whether or not to make ourselves ready for when that predicted situation or time comes.

In a scenario of an assignment due, if I am pro active and work on and complete this assignment shortly after it is handed to me, I can have the work handed in exactly when it is needed, avoiding the feeling of being stressed and resenting myself for not taking action sooner. Doing a rushed job, when I know I could have done better. BUT if I do however, delay the work that is required of me and push it aside to do things I enjoy or are a release when I feel it necessarily, rather than sticking it out and flourishing in the long run, I will by my OWN ACCORD put the stress on myself and when the day comes of handing in my assignment and showing my progress, I will most likely regret my action and NOT be ready. But not being “Ready” in this situation is completely determined by my actions or lack of.

In relation to Divorce, It can either be thrown at you without warning OR in other cases you have expected its arrival for quite some time. But in the same way, our response and choice of mindset is VITAL for what determines the final outcome.

Taking steps to Heal: A love/hate relationship. We select and Love the meaning of the word “HEAL” but resent the words “STEPS to getting there.” We just wish it could happen without the hard and painful work first. But unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

Here is an excerpt from the book “Naked Divorce for Women”

“Healing is an active process, and processing all the feelings and emotions associated with your divorce is essential to getting over it. Divorce acts like a cut and if you don’t dress the wound and work on the healing it will end up with a lot of scar tissue, which will leave a lasting imprint of your life.”

It is essential to take action through a painful process. Feeling ready should never be a consideration. We may never feel ready. If we only do the things we are ready for, we would only ever do the things we already know how to do. We would never learn new things, never grow or evolve.  How else would we have learnt how to walk? To read, take up a hobby, or raise children. We become ready by trying things and failing at them and keep trying until we succeed. You don’t become ready to do anything by hesitating and waiting.

So is THE PRICE OF SUFFERING a situationthat life unfairly throws on us? Or is it the price we pay by never accepting and moving on from what Life throws at us?  Next time you use the phrase:

“I’m not ready” ask yourself if that’s the real truth, or if what you’re really saying is “I’m too afraid”

You will only feel ready to ride a bike after you have been riding it long enough that you aren’t afraid that you will fall and get hurt. Being afraid to fall is not a crime. It’s how you handle the falland how quickly you get back up.  SUFFERING doesn’t have to be completely negative. It is in the suffering that we can grow the most and open ourselves up to opportunities we never sort possible if we hadn’t first learn how to take action against pain.

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

War of the Roses

 

The War of the Roses was a civil war in England. Where the thirty years of warfare were even more destructive to England than the Hundred Years war had been in the previous century.

With the Petty disputes that occur between partners throughout a Divorce these days it seems necessary to title this article with such a name.

Research by Manchester law firm (Pannone) revealed to find that one in five divorces feature rows over similarly inexpensive possessions. When a couple divorce, there are bound to be complications or disagreements regarding the house and car, children, and so on, that is expected, but arguments over kitchen supplies and even food seems highly unnecessary and just plain ridiculous.

According to James Tozer (Mail Online) a client of a divorce lawyer asked for help to win custody of delicacies her ex-husband had taken from the kitchen of the marital home. A Particular Frying pan was a common bone of contention. There was even specific instruction by a client to her lawyer to write to her former spouse to return some smoked salmon and expensive mustard he had taken out of the freezer, The Lawyer explained that the legal fees in pursuing this would buy her a lot of smoked salmon, but she was adamant they pressed ahead anyway.

Reading this is just shocking to see what outrageous demands people make. If a small possession had a personal value to you there is understanding in that but in most of these cases it seems some couples fight simply for the sake of fighting, if in the process of Divorce you are unable to agree upon the division of small and personal assets, the court will then make the decision. An appointed person is called in to value the assets. The fee for hiring this person is usually quite substantial and in some cases is actually greater than the value of the items being valued.

So The War that goes on between a lot of couples these days stirs the question of where the argument stems from. Is it because of the desperate need for specific items? Where the amount spent on legal costs arguing about these items can be many times more than the value of the possession itself. Or is it rather to prove a point to their ex-spouses? Seems to me the only person who is going to win in this situation is the lawyer with a large amount of money…

Either which way, the movie, The War of the Roses really drives home what can happen when you focus on destroying another person in the quest to prove a point or be right. My tip for anyone going through this life change is decide from the outset WHO YOU WANT TO BE during the process and stick to that. Don’t get entangled in any sling matches or stoop to levels beneath you. Becoming THAT PERSON WHICH SEEKS REVENGE is something which you will forever regret… If you don’t believe me, check out the trailer for a little summary of the film…

Till next time!

Lots of hugs

Some AWESOME dating tip audios from my friend Candy Janetta!

I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine who helps people find their perfect match after divorce.

She is a relationship coach and author of ‘How to meet your perfect match’. Her name is Candy Janetta.

She is happily married and helped hundreds of single people to get the relationships they want. You can find out more about Candy here: www.howtomeetyourperfectmatch.com

She has kindly allowed me to share some great content she recorded some time ago, which I think you will LOVE. If you like it, tell Candy, she would be chuffed.


The 3 Reasons people are not successful at dating

 


Highlighting different traits between men and women in relationships

 


How to Identify the relationship you want

 


How to Identify the relationship you want

 


The 6 things to overcome before successful dating

 


The 6 things to overcome before successful dating

 


The Do’s and Don’t of online dating

 


Getting your online profile just right

 


The art of flirting

 

Till next time!

Lots of hugs